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30 ways to get out of Toxic Relationships


 

 To All the Victim of Toxic Relationships; Here’s 30 Steps For You to Get Out.

Toxic relationships can happen between many people in your life. It can be with your family, your co-workers, your partner, or even yourself. The way these people engage in toxic relationships can also be very implicit. We often don’t realize it, and here’s some of the most common behavior they do.

    • Lying
Your partner will most likely buy themself a quick escape route to lie. You might think that lying once is still a forgivable mistake, but like the famous quote says, “ Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”

    • Sabotaging
It is hard for them to see you being successful in life, and they will try their best to ruin the achievement you have worked towards.
   
• Insisting a double standard
In other words, they are a hypocrite. Their judgment is never fair nor equal for you, where it is always okay for them to do it. Still, when you do it, suddenly, you have committed an unforgivable sin according to their judgment.


    • Judgemental
Rather than being a hypocrite, this person will just straight up criticize all of your actions to control or sometimes without any sense at all. They always feel righteous to make sure that their judgment is not open to any negotiation.

    • Evasive
When you call them out with the action that feels wrong or asks them a simple question, they will twist and avoid giving a clear answer. This behavior often time leads to the last characteristic.

    • Gaslighting
Gaslighting refers to a term where one will twist the reality or condition to where the victim questions their own mind. This type of manipulation is tough to deal with. When the victim normalizes this behavior, they will often fail to realize it unless a third party points it out.


There a lot of other behaviors to look out in your relationship to consider as red flags. Sometimes we either don’t see it coming or convince our feeling that it is not like that. Don’t worry, if you found yourself reading this and realizing your tricky situation or figured that you needed to back up out of the relationships, here’s 30 Steps to Get Out of a Toxic Relationships.


    1. Seek for neutral advice 


We don’t recommend making quick yet big choices like resigning from your job because your boss is degrading or running out of your house immediately because your family is critical about everything.

There are many times where the problem has been occurring for too long; it can influence your judgment.

 Instead, find a neutral friend or a counselor to give you thorough advice and plans for the long term. Thay way, you can see the root of your problem.

    2. Give them an explanation


This idea might sound like trying to squeeze the water, but you can use this as a closure. Tell them how you have been feeling and try to put an end on anything with no regrets.

Maybe the other party has been dealing with problems that they are knowingly or unknowingly keep on lashing all their frustration on you. You have the right to let them know that everyone has their own hardships, which doesn’t make anyone own the right to vent your problems in a hurtful way.

If your relationship with the other party is heartily a strong and healthy but just facing a difficult challenge, the two of you can work it out.  

    3. Come up with an agreement and limitation


If, after the explanation, they decided to hear from you, and wish to fix the relationship, tell them things you want to change.

For example, tell your boss to let you and your co-workers go home after work hours punctually, or disclose your partner to contribute to house chores.
        
    They might also come up with other terms; maybe your boss will let you go right when office hours ended when you can finish the work punctually. Perhaps your partner will contribute to house chores if you can wait for the job to be done a little longer than usual.

The key to this aspect is to negotiate without forgetting why you have been considering the relationship unhealthy. Don’t give up too much on your rights without turning your head away from their points.

    4. Be firm


Now that the rules are set,  be firm, and stick to what you have agreed on. Don’t be too undemanding with them, especially in the name of love. If you genuinely love them, let them learn and grow, knowing things just don’t get forgiven without consequences.

 Keep in mind that feelings in a healthy relationship should be mutual; if they love you as much as you do, they will eventually show some changes.

    5. Put yourself first


    At the end of the day, you are what you are left with. You matter the most, and there should not be any guilt for wanting better days for yourself when others don’t seem to make you any happier.

You might find yourself in an unpleasant position telling your co-worker that you cannot keep covering their mistakes, which might risk your job if you keep doing it.  

Another example is you found out that your retired parents keep spending money on the lottery that they don’t have the funds to support their meal and rent when you’re struggling equally, please think of yourself first.

        It is not worth adding extra struggles for people who matter to you, but they
treat you like the pushover for everything. Be kinder to yourself.

    6. Don’t be the caregiver or people-pleaser


Learn how to say no without feeling guilty. Sometimes, you worry too much about not meeting your boss’s expectations if you turn down a project that will undoubtedly make you skip family events.

Try communicating that other situations are going on in your life that matter as much as the offer. Often times, you’ll find out that they can be more understanding than what you imagined.

There are situations where people treat you like you worth nothing because you treated yourself equally as they did. Indeed, that still doesn’t give anyone who owns good morals to mistreat others but tries not to provide them with the opportunity to do so.

    7. Avoid being linked with them when not needed


When you and your co-worker personality just clash all the time and influence the working dynamic, you can opt only to avoid them. People are born stubborn at times; understandably, reconciliation is sometimes not possible.

You might consider doing this if someone you feel essential is failing without your help. You have talked to them about everything that is not right to you, yet they are persistent that truth is on their side.

Simply avoid them but give a brief explanation to other people about the situation is only questioned.

    8. Slowly detach yourself from them

You might slowly realize that you are better off without their presence.


Your partner might have been taking all your time for you to focus on your study just because they are not supportive of it. Your relatives might keep criticizing your appearances every family vacation. Your friends keep on talking about other people in your group behind their backs.

Sometimes, being alone is much better than being surrounded by crowds of people who aren’t making you grow. Often times, they don’t provide you with comfort, guidance, support but the only company.

You might feel alone, feeling of going in the wrong direction in life, to even wanting to go back. That’s okay; when you grow, so does others, and soon you’ll meet a great companion that is good being around with.
In the meantime, let that person you’re meeting with is yourself.

    9. Try not to look for an update about their life 


Even after cutting ties, it’s easy for you to miss someone—especially those who play a significant role in your life. It can be your liar partner, your manipulative best friend, or your abusive parents.

That is okay, things happened for a reason, and despite given a chance to change, some chose not to and sink into the malicious behavior they are.

During the first month or two, you might want to know how they are doing. Sometimes you tried to look for justification that indeed, you are right for telling their wrongdoings. Sometimes you wish them to miss you or even hoping that they are in such loss without you.

Don’t do it; you know how bad they treated you and what you’ve been through because of their doing. Learn to love yourself, even more, to let go of the people who don’t.

    10. Don’t rain on their parade

        The key is to let that person be.

        
    You are learning how to be at peace with yourself and the circumstances that are not siding with you. You will never find peace if you are still investing and lingering around the person that makes you feel bad about yourself.

It might feel good temporarly to let them know what it is like to have your day ruined by something out of your control or what it is like to have your trust broken. But that happiness is temporary, vague, and most likely to take a toll on you later.

Instead of trying to give them the revenge that you think they deserve, focus on others. Remember that they are not worthy of being in your life, and you are better off without them.

Keep in mind that you are going in separate ways now. The unfinished business is in the past, and everything that matters is only the future.
    

    11. Don’t seek justification and sympathize


Maybe if you get people to be on your side, that person would be seen horribly the minute you spoke everything about it. Your urge to being understood will finally be fulfilled, and you can eventually be winning after all those miseries you endured.

Life is not a competition of who is the better person, and so is the past relationship. Life is an experience, and sometimes not all experience is good, but they indeed leave a valuable lesson.
Don’t waste your time telling people how miserable you have been. These people might not really care and provide a solution or comfort when you really tell them your situation.

 Often time, they can be just as toxic as the person you just get away from. All these people you’re spreading words about really care about the story for them to use as a telltale to gossip or worse, make fun of you.

If you really want to get things off your chest, make sure they are your closest person, who you know will be a good listener or a great advisor.

    12. When asked about the situation: be assertive. 


Even if you don’t publicize regarding your sudden resignation in the office, why are you no longer dating your partner? People can still be curious.

Whether the question is for useful purposes such as a new work opportunity interview, remember to always be assertive.

It is clear that you are the most hurting in this situation, but trash-talking about your past company or your one-time partner will not make you look any better. Simply state the general idea without being ambiguous and be as neutral as possible.

When you are able to present yourself professionally and assertively, that will look most appealing to anyone without you trying hard. Plus, you are just one step closer to finding peace with yourself.

    13. Treat the process 


The feeling of not being around with someone that they used to be can be hurtful. You might start blaming yourself, wondering what did you did wrong or wishing things are different so they can still be around. That’s okay, please be sad.

Try to spare time for yourself to calm down. Take a day off work, cancel a brunch time with your friends, take a vacation, anything temporary to be with your own for once.

Once you calm down, it may also be vital for you to get back on the unfinished business. If you made your mind to resign from the work, complete the registration. If you wanted to move out of your parents’ house because they abuse you, pack your items and make sure that your bill and mail will be delivered to your own home in the future.






    14. Focus on yourself 


    Now that some people are gone from your life, you can finally invest more in yourself. Youare your most immense pride and achievement, and you should take care of yourself.

Now that you have more time, you can finally go to the movie theater and watch the movie you wanted to see. Go to that football match that you are unable to go to before. Pursue the education that you fail to apply because of a problematic situation with your parents.

What is it that you have been missing out this whole time?

Now is the time for you to do it.

    15. Get to know yourself 


After setting your decision, you might not know what you wanted to do with your life, feeling empty and meaningless, or confused with your own identity. That’s okay because you don’t have to get all of your problems figured at a certain age.

Again, this is the perfect time to build that relationship with yourself. You can go to classes to see if you actually liked painting or you liked interior designers instead?  

You can start doing this by giving an in-depth and honest analysis of yourself by asking similar questions.

What are your strength and weaknesses?
Recognize the kindness and your innocence that, unfortunately, lead people into taking you easy. Recognize the selflessness in you that helped a lot of people despite them taking advantage of you.

Now that you have known your strength and weaknesses, you can find solutions to help yourself. You can still be kind and selfless but make sure that you are only doing it to certain people. The people who would do the same to you, those who helped you in the past, those who helped you grow, and those who actually matter.  


    16. Make a priority list.


This can also help you figure out what or which to choose when in doubt. You can make this list by writing what you want or consider important over what other situations you have to give up or consider.

 List 30 things you wanted to do in life and see if your contemplating problems have a higher ranking on the list. As an illustration, imagine this as your priority list you wanted to achieve.

    1. Become a doctor
    2. Specialize as a surgeon
    3. Settle down with a loving partner
    4. Have kids
    5. Move to the countryside
    6. Finish a marathon
And the list goes on.

Say that you are now in medical school, but your partner is against the idea of you working as a doctor due to the long shift. Based on the list, you prioritize becoming a doctor before settling down with anyone else for the long term. This way, you can remind yourself of your goals, things that matter in life before anyone else.

Suppose you find choosing between one or another still. In that case, you can add the list with some ‘pros and cons’ or complete it with opportunistic values.

    17. Let your emotions out


As human beings, we are complicated by default. Parts that contributed to making our complex is our emotions. See it as a beauty that we need to embrace.

Rather than bottling your emotions, let them out. Cry because they left, or acknowledge and vent your anger because they tricked you. The most important thing isn’t about how you feel, but how did you manage your feelings?

Hurting someone because someone else hurt you is the least you want to do at this time in life. Turn those unpleasant emotions into something beautiful. Go to a boxing class to vent out your anger, bake your sadness away with a new loaf of banana bread.

    18. Forgive yourself


Now that you have your emotions out, until when do you have to be angry at your mean boss or your cheating partner?

The answer is: it depends.

You may take a longer time to heal or forgiving yourself than going back to life before, while to some, it’s the other way around. However, you can’t be the servant to your own emotions forever.

The key is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being hurt or disadvantaged that leads your own to feel this way. When you get to forgive yourself, that is the maximum level of forgiving in this world.

Soon, you’ll find that there are more important things to do rather than spending your time resenting others.

    19. Slow down 


Being peace also means taking the time and being mindful of yourself. You don’t always have to look for a new job after resigning. Instead, focus on other things to make yourself more presentable and better when applying into one.

Take your time in blooming into a beautiful flower you have always been destined to be. Tune yourself with the surrounding peace of slowing down.

You might find charm in your everyday life that you fail to realize before. How beautiful it is when the birds chirped outside every morning when you’re hassling getting ready to go. How calming the morning shower is when it runs down your skin.

Slow down and enjoy some more the life that you have because your current life might be someone else’s dream life. Your everyday life is so beautiful many would pay to be in your shoes.

    20. Stop comparing yourself to others


When you resigned from your job because it upset you so much, others might get a promotion. When you decided to broke up with your partner, others might be getting engaged.

The possibility is endless, but so are you. You are endless. Stop comparing yourself to the others; that might be why you hold your life over a toxic relationship.

Don’t brace yourself up every day at work because you don’t want to be left behind with your peers. Don’t be afraid to put yourself more to what you deserve and take the risk because you matter the most.

People grow at a different rate, and that’s the truth people fail to understand. Someone might get hired at 20 but make your current salary after five years of employment, whereas you got hired at 25. Still, because you are loaded with so much quality, you get double payment when you just started.

The universe doesn’t create you just so you can be another form of your friend. You are much more than that, and your possibility is endless.

    21. Rediscover your passion and talent


This is the perfect time for you to find what you are good at or pursue your old dreams.

Now that you are splitting ways with your partner, you finally get to attend that art class you always wanted to go to. Start going back to class now that you don’t have to go to work to pay your parents debt.

Do whatever you wanted to do that you know will help you achieve peace and helped you grow into the best version of you are.

This is also a good opportunity for you to learn more profound about yourself. Do you really like classic music or the peacefulness that it brought when you listen to it? If it’s the latter, you can discover more activities that bring the same feeling such as yoga and meditation. This way, you get to do things that you would actually like to make your life more joyful to live.

There is never ‘too late’ when it comes to knowing because, again, everyone has their own time and moment in life. Find ways to make yourself more skill-prepared for whatever that you truly wanted to be and be happy with the process.

    22. Find activities to keep yourself busy


A distraction should only be done if, in the end, it doesn’t make you feel guilty. For example, don’t go into seminars to make yourself exposed to future job vacancies when you haven’t addressed your feelings with yourself. This will create more stress in the future.

The idea of being busy is often interpreted as not having time to do other things that bring you joy and always in such a hassle. In reality, you can be busy living your best life by finding a perfect work-life balance.

You don’t have to enroll in tons of classes every day that will keep yourself distracted but overworked. Instead, use these activities that you desired to fill the gaps between the time you need for yourself, influential people such as friends and family, and work.

To do this, you can sort your plans into doing things into several groups.
    A. Things you find joyful
    B. Things that will make you grow
    C. Things that are important for your work

Ensure that the things you wanted to fit into at least two of these groups or even all. Because that is genuinely what rediscovering yourself all about.

    23. Find other joyful aspects in life


This particularly applies to all the givers in life.

It’s beautiful for you to give, but make sure that what you’re providing will return without you expecting. The sad part about not finding balance in what you invest to people to how they treat you in return is you will most likely be disappointed.



If you like giving someone the time, care, and love, rather than providing it to partners that you are either not ready for or not the right partner, go to volunteer work and give your might to someone that truly needed it. You will find the effort of your work as rewarding to the gratitude of the unlucky one.

Let yourself loose a little bit; you don’t always have to be goal-oriented every time. Go meet your friends and engage in fun activities such as picnics, movie nights, sleepovers, everything that will bring love and laughter as a healing to the bad days.

Dance, sing, joke, and take a break every now and then to sync yourself back in tune with your own mental and environment. Celebrate every small thing in life to practice being grateful for even every opportunity you have to still be having time to breathe for today.

    24. Be with supportive people


Let’s say that you finally go to volunteer work and realize that you enjoy giving to animals in a shelter or the elderly in a senior citizen’s house. You find yourself being part of people who are just as genuine as your intentions of finding joy in giving.

These are the people that you wanted to surround yourself with. They have the same vision as you and will help you to achieve it together. Their supports are genuine and constructive for your growth and will help you understand more about your journey.

It is also most likely that you will end up with the people you are looking for. Go to volunteer work hoping for a distraction so that you will feel less sad about your situations. You’ll find yourself surrounded by people like you.

 On the other hand, if you go to volunteer work because you are ready to give for the right people, you will meet people with pure intentions like you. They will most likely provide you with meaningful and inspiring advice or guidance that will help you pass yet continue to be on the right path of life.

    25. Reconnect with the left behind


A toxic relationship mostly takes all of your time and energy to be invested and bound to it. Indeed, many things are being sacrificed, which can also mean the people who had accompanied you on a journey before the relationship existed.

Go and reconnect with your past people. If they truly the people in your life, the universe will find a way for two parties. Apologize for not being around like in the past due to the challenging circumstances of yours and tell them how much they mean to you.

As much as you expect them to be understanding of your situations, you should be considerate when they get upset. There might be a little tension and a little effort in reconnecting.

Still, if they decided to ignore your token of gratitude to the point where it upset you even more, maybe the toxic relationship is just an additional reason for why your past people need cutting as well.


    26. Treasure your past 


This can be a little difficult to practice. Still, hopefully, once you’ve passed this, you’ll never have to position yourself in this situation again.

Remember both sides of the spectrum; of how they made you happy at once and made you live through hell the next moment. It is highly advised to forgive without forgetting what they have done and avoided grudge or resentment.
    
All the misfortunate, the mistake, the trouble, the general mishappening in life is just your past. Be it beautiful or flawed, you like it or not. Everything in your past stays as your past, whether you approve it or not, but the most important thing is; your past doesn’t define who you are. Especially when you are always trying to be better.  

The point of doing this is to learn what happened in the past and prevent history from repeating its past. You can also be grateful for all the lessons and the people who stayed and helped you guide through.


    27. Remember your values


Hopefully, through this event, you get to know how meaningful it is to be happy and to respect yourself for what you value. When you feel small, remember that you are part of the bigger plans that the universe has planned.  

You can do anything, but you can’t do everything at the same time. It’s okay if one or two things failed in life; you or others shouldn’t beat your own to stress because of it.

Your overall skill and value don’t determine how perfect your GPA is, how perfect your relationship is with your partner, or how many tasks you can handle in a week.

What truly value you as a person is your personality. Of how kind you can be, how diligent and strong you are, and how vulnerable you are as well.

    28. Meet new people


Don’t seek new people for replacement, but meet people for new experiences. Just like the beautiful being you are, people are complex and come with different backgrounds and personalities.

Be open to more people, and don’t worry that people hurt you as much as your past. Don’t risk the opportunity to meet the perfect workspace, the partner that can grow together with you, every relationship you need and want at the same time.

Remember that you can be anything you want as you are meeting a new acquaintance. Although the best advice is, when you are capable of doing everything, be kind. Don’t forget that you deserve the kindness of your own before anyone else. So, consider yourself as well in the process.

Try to meet as many people as possible according to your capabilities. Although not every person you meet will last forever, not every person you meet will manipulate your thoughts. So be open but don’t let your guards down truly until your heart says it’s the time.


    29. When trying to start a new relationship, be clear. 


At one point, there’s going to be another person attempting to be in a relationship with you. Whether it’s as a work partner, friends, family, or lovers, it’s okay to be doubtful but never judgmental.

It’s okay to be a little worried or scared, but the best way to open up about it is, to be honest. Tell them about your past and how you currently felt about starting over. Tell them your worries, fear, but also what you are excited about.

Keep in mind that despite of trying to be the best version of one can ever be, a toxic relationship can happen despite the two parties involved are decent people. There’s more than what meets the eye.

The right person will either know better about how you value more than what you think, or straight up, don’t care at all. The person you are showing today is what matters the most to them, so don’t worry and still try to be the person you are comfortable being.

Let them know beforehand if you are comfortable or ready with the situation so that no one has to feel left out nor uninformed. If it is the right person with the right timing, the universe will guide you and make sure you end up where you are supposed to be.

    30. Learn that life is an adventure. 


Your past might be hurtful, and the future might seems scary for you to start over. However, life is only meaningful if you know that tomorrow doesn’t always come around. That way, you only get to do anything in life the way you want and the way you can, possibly, the best way.

People come and go at different times of life. Some of them leave for good, and some of them return to either be good or bad to you, but nonetheless will still contribute to your growth.

Your emotions are valid, and people can’t tell you otherwise. Your past relationship, no matter in what aspect, is just a part of your long adventure.
When anything in your relationships doesn’t go the way you wanted, that’s okay. If you get to be at peace with your rough past, a more exciting and beautiful part of life is coming.

So, hang in there, and keep being hopeful. Always try to be the best of yourself, to you, and others. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Because that is all you can do, and control. Regardless of the outcome, at least you have done the good work and be able to nove on without guilt and resentment.



30 ways to get out of Toxic Relationships 30 ways to get out of Toxic Relationships Reviewed by BIg perspectives on November 06, 2020 Rating: 5

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